One of the kind regular readers of this blog told me that these days, some of my blogs seem to lack the soul it used to have. It's like I am writing it for the sake of writing something and moving on vs. really putting my soul into it.
And I told him that he is very right. My soul is not in it and I know that.
I took some time to think about why that is. And here is the reason - it is because all my darling soul can think about these days is my film, Mausams. My soul is having an overdose of Mausams-ness and it is unable to think about anything else that's happening in the world.
And that's not a bad thing. The fact is, it is exactly the film and everything connected to it that makes every day beautiful for me these days. But sometimes when I am neck deep in all kinds of obstacles that come my way in its production, I don't really genuinely feel the "beauty" of the process as much as I would like to.
So when something rather shitty happens, am like "Bah! Of all the things one can possibly do, why the hell do I have to make a film?! Why can't I just like cooking or something simpler like that?".
When things get really ugly, I'll be like, "That's it. After this, I will never ever attempt to make a film in my life again. Enough is enough!"
And when things go way beyond ugliness, I will be like, "That's it. I quit. I don't want to make this anymore."
But a couple of hours later you will catch me meddling with the film again and sometimes even thinking about my next film. So it all gets back to normalcy rather soon. However, when I try and write a blog during these nerve-wrecking times, I can't get even a tiniest bit of soul into it. But the beautiful thing is that the next day, whatever happened previously becomes an anecdote and am ready to face the next one.
So yeah, the recent entries might have been bland and called for some enormous yawns from the readers but for me, this excercise of trying to find that silver lining in midst of the blackest clouds is still a good healing process.
But hey, this highly insightful self-realization is not what made today beautiful. Today was really interesting because I could get to use my make-up and styling skills on one of my cast members and make her look absolutely stunning! Yeah! I am shooting with her this Saturday and she came down for a styling session. After fixing her costumes, I tried my make up and hair styling mastery on her with very impressive results. I am still patting my back in appreciation. We then did a mock shoot and are overall very pleased with our work. Working on this movie is a lot more exciting and fun than I had imagined!
825 more to go.