3 January, 2011
I have a group of friends. All the way from university, we have managed to stay as just that - a group. We used to have a name too - desiNUSfriends, which has now been simplified to a mere nus2005 google group. Some had left this so-called group a while ago but about 10 of us stuck on. For 9 years now. Out of these 10, currently a couple of them are in the US, one is in India and the rest are here in Singapore. The ones in Singapore are my usual Friday night movie companions or weekend dinner partners.
Now the interesting thing about this group is that, collectively we have never managed a sane conversation. Never ever. At least not one that I can recall. Each conversation is usually pretty random with every character having a topic of his/her own choice, which flies off tangent at regular intervals and is dotted with more disagreements than agreements among the few listeners if any. But in spite of this randomness, everyone looks pretty smug by the end of it, having dished out whatever wisdom they could muster or even better, having possessed a few gems of verbal foolishness that someone might have uttered, which would now be chiseled in the sharp memories of those present for years to come and which would be whipped out at appropriate occasions to pull the leg of the one behind the verbal foolishness. In short, every gathering is eventful and I enjoy most of them.
Today there was one such significant gathering. One of the groupies from US was in town for a few hours and the rest of us decided to meet up with him over dinner.
And needless to say, the randomness began.
It all started with the hubby going deaf. Yeah, D.E.A.F. He was utterly incapable of hearing even a single sentence correctly.
Here is a sample.
Friend A: Blah blah blah.... and then he said "don't be a pussy"
Hubby: But why would he say that?
Friend B: I dunno man... I was so drunk...
Hubby: Even then, why would you say that? I mean come on, "hope you miss me"?!
Friend B: What?
Hubby: Like who says "hope you miss me"?!
Friend A: Who said "hope you miss me"?
Hubby: He said "hope you miss me"
Friend B: I didn't say "hope you miss me"
Hubby: But he said you said "hope you miss me"
Friend A: I never said he said "hope you miss me"
Hubby: Then who said "hope you miss me"?
Friend B: Nobody said "hope you miss me"!
You get the drift. Over the next 5 minutes, after considerable effort from fellow groupies, the hubby was enlightened that it was not "hope you miss me" but "don't be a pussy" that was mentioned earlier on. This put him considerably at ease because he felt "don't be a pussy" was more in line with what he would have expected Friend B to say when drunk.
Now if you were to dismiss the above incident as just a normal mishearing that could happen to anybody, let me assure you that this was just the beginning. From here on, several other statements were also misheard (and either repeated or responded to) by him with horrifying consequences. Unfortunately I don't remember most of them because they came one after the other at maddening speed. It was difficult to keep track. But let me just say that finally the group unanimously voted for the hubby to have topped all verbal atrocity incidents over the last 9 years.
That is, until the friend from the US told us his story. Which was of an altogether different level. I must narrate it here.
So let's refer to this dude from US as 'Friend X' for the time being.
Friend X: Yo... guys... I have a story.
Me: Hush everyone.. he has a story.
Friend X: It is a true story.
Friend X: I can really prove it to you.
Everyone: oh... ok
Friend X: Yeah, I have pictures of it. So it's true.
Friend X: In fact, I also have videos of it. So it is definitely true!
After that spectacular introduction, Friend X succeeded in getting the group's undivided attention.
Friend X: So here is the story. My dad (a sailor) was on the straits of Malacca just last month.
Friend X: So they were sailing and sailing and sailing...
Friend X: And then suddenly they got a Mayday call.
Everyone: *silence* (obviously everyone is now imagining a mayday situation in the middle of the deep ocean)
Friend X: So his ship attended to the distress call.
Friend X: It was a yacht.
Friend X: They had ran out of fuel.
Friend X: And were stuck in the ocean.
Friend X: Hence the mayday call.
Friend X: Then my dad's ship had to pass on gallons of fuel to their yacht.
Friend X: *silence* (pauses pregnantly for the ultimate dramatic effect)
Everyone: (Stares at him with unabated breath. The climax of the story must be right around the corner for sure).
Friend X: *silence*
Everyone: (A bit of fidgeting begins. The wait was killing us. Obviously Friend X was taking this pregnant pause a bit too seriously).
Friend X: (looks around) *still silence*
Me: AND???? (to hell with dramatic pauses)
Friend X: And what?
Friend X: And? What "and"? That's all.
Friend X: Yeah, that's the story.
Everyone: What's the story?
Friend X: Just now?! I just said it?!
Everyone: Your dad's ship gave fuel to a yacht?
Friend X: YEAH!
Friend X: And nothing. It was pretty amazing stuff.
And with that, just when you thought the randomness couldn't get any more random, it actually managed to surprise.
I love these crackpots.
590 more to go.