Day 218: Who Am I?

23 June, 2010

WARNING: The following post might not make any sense. Be prepared.

Alright, here is the truth. I am majorly confused as to what to write about today. I have been staring at this space for the last hour. Since I need to go to bed soon, I have decided to just let the words flow.

It's not that it was a boring day and nothing interesting happened. In fact, there were quite a few happy events today like:

a) Seeing the snow-capped mountains in the distance for the first time in Geneva, when the sky was super clear during breakfast.
b) Welcoming summer in Switzerland. I think technically the start of summer was supposed to be two days ago, but today was the first day I really felt the heat. There was no wind and the sun was slamming down, making it only a little better than Singapore with the absence of humidity. But it was interesting that I felt a change in the season which is something you don't get to do in Singapore.
c) Going for yet another walk along the lake, albeit a much quicker one vs. yesterday, due to the heat.
d) Feeling like a regular lake-side walker since I came across a few other fellow-walkers from yesterday and actually recognized them - an old middle-eastern uncle with his highly adorable cocker spaniel, a dude with long, tangled tresses pushing along his baby boy on a pram and a mini-skirt wearing plump blonde and her boyfriend making out at the same exact spot as yesterday.
e) Having an amazing Mediterranean Pita sandwich and Chai Tea Latte from Starbucks.

While all the above were cool, I didn't exactly feel anything special about them, if you know what I mean. It's because I have been in a highly contemplative mood the whole day.

It all started with waking up and going completely blank. There was a flash of absolute nothingness. I don't know whether it was the excessive swiss chocolate eating or the cold wind from yesterday, but I took more than the usual amout of time to figure out who I was, where I was and what I was doing there. It was a bit creepy.

Anyway, somehow post that, I went into a thoughtful mood. It's like one of those days when you ask yourself highly philosophical and unanswerable questions like "Who am I?!", "What am I doing here?!", "What's the real purpose of my existence?!" etc. I kept asking myself these questions throughout the day - during breakfast while I was gazing at the snow capped mountains, in the cab to work and back, during my lake-side walk, while enjoying my Starbucks meal etc. It was like I was on a plane of my own, with only my thoughts and the world passing by on the side as if it was completely unrelated to me.

Of course I didn't reach any conclusive answers on those questions but good news is, I actually enjoed going into this thoughtful mode. It helped to give me some perspective on what I want to do with myself next. It felt different, in a good way, to close the world out and let my brain whir in a cocoon, generating my own interpretations of what life is and how to make it more meaningful.

This would explain why I was confused on what to write today. I was confused whether to just list down the interesting things that happened or actually write about this random thinking I did which might not be interesting in the usual sense, but is what really occupied my mind. And looks like I decided to go with the truth, risking a complete lack of comprehension by the reader.

But here is to life and its multitude of intriguing questions.

782 more to go.

P.S If you think I've finally lost my mind and this blog is no longer a sane investment of your time, here is my humble request to check back on Friday. I will be on my way to Singapore tomorrow and the hope is that I would have found my senses by the time I touch down on Friday. If I am still talking about random thoughts then, yes I've indeed lost my marbles and you need to move on.