27 September, 2010
Today is supposed to be an incredibly beautiful day because several things happened that should be making me smile as broadly as I can.
a) I paid a routine visit to the very famous and also the very infamously crowded Guruvayur temple. While thousands of people queued up for hours to get a glimpse of the idol in the inner shrine, I was one of the privileged few who could simply skip the queue and directly walk in without any trouble thanks to some contacts my parents had. That is to be considered a true blessing.
b) I had another round of awesome food throughout the day to maximize my last day at home, before the next visit... whenever that is.
c) I had a great time at the Cochin domestic airport bookshop because they seemed to have ALL the titles that I could possibly want to read! At the end I really had to control myself to buy just 3 books.
d) I got a very impressive welcome at Park Sheraton in Chennai, where I didn't even have to go to the reception for my check-in but was escorted straight to my room in the Eva (ladies-only) floor! The check-in was completed in the room itself by the customer relations officer. They also offered to get my luggage (which had broken a handle enroute) repaired, which is really incredible service!
So yes, I have all the reasons to feel happy but I am not. I actually feel rather... disappointed. With myself.
My mom and I were waiting at a tailors' to get some alterations done, when an old beggar lady walked by and stood at the door. She must be around 70 years or more for sure. My mom gave me a 10 rupee note, which I passed on to the lady. She closed her palms in a prayer gesture, in gratitude for the money (which was peanuts, really) that I gave her. And she said... "not well", pointing to herself. She wasn't well. OK, I got that but I didn't react because I thought that she was simply going to ask for more money . But instead she touched her cheeks, in this gesture we usually show to God in gratitude. She looked up to the sky and muttered some prayers and then she looked at me, her face lit with happiness and hope. Clutching that 10-rupee note she said, "but now I can buy medicine!". She said with this absolute innocence and complete faith in God as if He had answered her prayers! It was like she thought that money, that 10-rupee note, is gonna buy her all the medicines she need to get better.
But the truth is that it will buy her nothing. Not any medicine, not even a meal I believe.
I just stood there staring at her, not knowing what to do... not even really thinking about what to do and then she left. It was like I couldn't comprehend what she said and I just stood there rooted to the spot. By the time I got my senses back and went outside to look for her, she was long gone.
Then I thought I could have done SO many things! I could have taken her to the doctor, I could have taken her to the medical shop and bought her the medicines, I could have in the very least given her a bit more money so that she could have gotten the medicines she needed instead of being disappointed when she finally figures out that it requires a lot more money to buy medicines than that. But I didn't any of these. I really would have loved to but I didn't. I didn't budge until it was too late.
Her face and her words kept coming back to me throughout my journey to Chennai and to the hotel. I just couldn't get it out of my head. I decided to sponsor medicines for the people at an old age home for the sick and aged that I know in Kerala to make up for what I did...or rather, what I didn't do. But that's really not gonna compensate, am very aware that it is an action only to free myself of some guilt. But I had to do something.
But this incident taught me an important lesson. That I need to ACT on things that I do feel about, instead of them getting back and make me feel misearable with "what could have been?" questions. I need to act and act a lot faster.
And as for now, am hoping and praying with all my heart that the old lady gets her medicines and feels better really soon.
688 more to go.
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